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November 2009 
Montana Sunsets
Doug
Well I’m here now in Montana moving my daughter into her new abode, installing the washer and dryer, trying to cut a hole in the back door, which is made out of sheet metal, for the doggie door, meeting my daughter’s two room mates and I’ve had lot’s of time, precious time, and huge open spaces. Yes, big sky country indeed!
Last night after our dinner of mac and cheese I headed out back to sit on the stoop to try to find some new rhythm on my frame drum. The sun was setting over the mountains to the west, all red and two storks flew awkwardly overhead like two canoes with a single rower in each, veering off to the left and then right and then left again and the one following complaining in stork sounds as they flew over the vast fields of grass. I had more knowledge of where they were going where they had been then I do my own awkward and meandering pathways. I wondered about what I have manifested with my intension to fall in love with everyone I meet. Yes fall in love not just love. Guess I never really considered the possibility that there could be another side of that intension, the other side being someone falling in love with me.
So here I am hiding out in Montana like an outlaw with my morning coffee, unshaved face typing away on this old PC, wanting to continue running away although I’m not sure from what, maybe me? And every time I look around there I am staring back at me and I’m seeing that two-day trip back through the high dusty desert back to the population, the empty room that we packed into that Uhaul last week and left in Montana. There is something that feels good about the hermit’s life. At least the pain you feel is isolated, is yours alone. For as long as we share our joy, we share our tears as well.
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oh doug… love keeps showing itself more complicated, doesn't it? each time i feel confident i have found the answers, i just have more questions. i'm here, if it helps to talk, or just to be silent with or to cry with…
Profound and beautiful, Doug. Thank you…thank you for sharing.
“I had more knowledge of where they were going where they had been then I do my own awkward and meandering pathways.” …because they are your precious pathways - it's recognition, One cannot perceive anything which is not self.
much love, loved one
And what does it mean to “Fall In Love”…..since Love is what you are…..to have the intention of “Falling” in Love seems to mean that one would find themselves fully there and present with another…… in deep appreciation of their Beingness….. and sharing that reflection the two would dance together………a short fast dance or a long slow dance………a REAL MOMENT would be shared…………
.and what does it mean that someone would fall in Love with You?……..well if you are offerring the above to someone else…….of course they would find it yummy and delicious and lap it up like a blissed out kitten……….but if they wanted then to project upon you that you were the prince of their dreams…… and they want to stay with you forever..have your babies……be your Cinderella…..etc……yada yada……..
then unless that is what you were also seeking to create ……with your intention to”fall in love with everyone”……………Running would be the appropriate response……….running as far and as fast as you can…………
Perhaps you could consider changing your intention to “Rising” in Love……..thats a whole nother energy………Then of course there is this veiwpoint:
I have known men in my life who were great Cassanova types……They used the energy of the fully present in appreciation masculine penertrating sexual energy ……to gain entrance to the pants of plenty of women………women who were seeking outside validation for their worth from men……..and they did this without thought to the emotional bodies of these women…….or without thought to the sexual cords they were creating with these women…Alot without responsible sexual protection from transmitted diseases……and without desire for commitment of any kind to these women or responsibility for their own actions……….they just were seeking approval from outside themselves…. by seeing how many women they could take to bed and therefore feel worthy somehow about themselves……….
that is a whole nother story however…………………..
Ah, Doug, this touches me in more ways than I can think up words for in this moment of reading. I love the picture of the storks in the sunset, and how you see that as a reflection of your own journey (but without the same feeling of knowing where it's going, or came from).
And the hermit life. I've always had hermit tendencies, and have recently been living that to some extent, my forty days in the wilderness, so to speak. But I know that before long I'll have to go back into the world. That's where I find out in a hurry how much of what I think I've learned, I've really learned. And yes, I know that there's no failing the test…
Thank you so much for sharing this, your writing is always “big sky” in my book.
Ruth
Yes, thank you Doug for sharing this. It feels so raw, reading this, feeling your energy and wondering what's being said in the space between the words. Which is where, I suppose, we're all telling our own stories and interpretations. Really, has your intention been to fall in love with everyone you meet? That is beautiful. And probably so many have fallen in love with you, as well….but there are all kinds of love, aren't there? In that big Montana sky? Blessings, as you navigate these new skies and clouds….
This pain is going to spark many beautiful poems… I can already see them. So you're seeing the results of putting true love out there without an explanation, are you?
The solutions to this dilemma is to make sure that the one you're loving knows for sure the information they are receiving from you is authentic, is true. It makes you a more skilled poet if the intended knows exactly where your prose is coming from instead of reading between the lines the answers to questions not even voiced.
There is nothing more difficult to be completely clear with then the information stored in your heart. Can you voice your truths to the ones who matter most or are you going to keep silent and keep things just as they are for all eternity? The first option is the best option, the second is easier but keeps you trapped for more of your life then you would like to see trapped.
We'll be glad when you're back full time, Douglass!
Smilemaker
Lovingly open and delightful.
HUGS
Aley
“Poetry is seeking the answer
Joy is in knowing there is an answer
Death is knowing the Answer” Gregory Corso
Thank god for not knowing and I’m glad we can keep each other company Nicole, in our not knowing.
Thank you Michael!
Hi Hummy and yes it’s all love when I just breathe into it and let it be without fear.
Hi Katherine, well that’s just the thing. While one can fall in love with everyone, you can’t run off with Cinderella AND fall in love with everyone at the same time. And then there is the question of Cinderella, when she gets older and is no longer that interested in Sir Prince, in fact no longer sees him as princely. Does he just give her back the glass shoes and the castle?
But I think there is meaning to this whole path I have been on and I’m sure there is a way to just be in love with being in love, without attachments and without misusing other life, like jumping the bones of vulnerable women.
Hi Rudyan, Isn’t it funny how life produces the symbols you need when you need them? I’ve never seen a stork before and then I see two together and it’s actually kind of funny because that can often be the result of falling in love. The stork arrives and in my case there were two.
Hi Kathy, Yes it is open ended and it is because I was hoping for interpretations, wanting help to understand what is happening, where I’m going.
Hi Amber, I feel that dreams are clearer then statements of fact but I do know what you mean. I hope there will be many poems and paintings and dreams and there will be statements of fact and then contradictions to those statements of fact and then contradictions to the contradictions.
Ah Aley! Thank you for the hugs! Hugging you back.
“Poetry is seeking the answer
Joy is in knowing there is an answer
Death is knowing the Answer” Gregory Corso
… and death is birth,
not the ending of anything
but a new beginning
- infinite cycle
“it’s all love when I just breathe into it and let it be without fear.”
“(Cinderella)…. is no longer that interested in Sir Prince, in fact no longer sees him as princely. Does he just give her back the glass shoes and the castle?”
Fear responses are learned - not natural. Fear can be useful and life preserving. So often, though, they are obstructional responses.
“I think there is meaning to this whole path I have been on and I’m sure there is a way to just be in love with being in love”
… though not many are able to walk this path.
Monastic structures are traditional systems
which do not always suit the contemporary seeker
“The stork arrives and in my case there were two…. I was hoping for interpretations”
Waking dreams are so often symbols which can only be interpreted by self. Though there is comfort in the thought that someone will hand it to us.
I have just referred to one of my favorite books, Animal Speak by Ted Andrews, which says:
“Stork
Birth and unspoken communication
The stork is one of the most ancient powerful symbols of new birth….”
http://books.google.co.za/books?id=SDqPDqKAXggC&printsec=frontcover&dq=stork%3B+animal+speak#PPA192,M1
http://members.lycos.co.uk/archive2002/July/animal_speak_birds.htm
http://www.starstuffs.com/animal_totems/dictionary_of_birds.htm
http://64.233.183.104/search?q=cache:zPKA_tjMuK4J:home.att.net/~womenhead/AnimalSpeak_by_Ted_Andrews.pdf+stork%3B+animal+speak&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=5&gl=za&client=firefox-a
much love and happy journeys!