That's it's a rainy day Tuesday and I actually got dressed before going to work even though I dreamt I went swimming and then went to a high school I had never been to before. I was dripping wet in a bathing suit  wandering the halls and I almost went into the girl's locker room looking for something more appropriate to wear!
I wonder how that is going to end?
Meanwhile a gull lands on the roof next door,  sparrows fly in circles in groups of five and three, a blue truck pulls up to the gate, there are variations in the grey color of the clouds and the lines of the buildings downtown are somehow softer, like they might just fade into the grey clouds, there is a phone ringing outside my office and no one is answering it, I'm going for a walk outside without an umbrella and if it rains I might be back in that dream again?

Bee's wax an pigment on canvas, plywood and roofing nails
29 3/4 X 34"

The stars were frozen
no use in wishing this away
The rain was relentless
Blue Ridge, Shenandoah Valley
swollen river where the path ended

I lost her that day
she said she just couldn't go on
she was tired
too much weight
too cold
too wet
too far to go
too many tears
and what could I say to make
her believe again,
some reason to keep going?

We lived together
for years afterwards
she always in the next room
I could hear her breathing there

Maybe we only have a brief moment
some night when the stars align and maybe the day after that too,
before we return
to being something
made out of wood

Everyday I drive by the window
on 17th street
stopped at the red light
I look up to the second story,
above the Mexican restaurant
to the second window,
the one with the pink curtain.
the one in front, the first window,
white lace
but this one, the pink curtain
with pink silk edges
and in the middle more
pink silk in a pattern
like there are words
Written there in
some strange language
I can’t quite read
or maybe it’s just
that I can’t get close enough to hear
the breathless words
being spoken?

On dark mornings
when the rains have come
the warm light of incandescent
yellow light shines from within
and the pink
is a kind of peach tone

I imagine you wandering
though your rooms
just out of the shower
with a pink towel wrapped
around you, the pink coffee cup,
a gift from some Valetine's day
long forgotten
like those long ago
faded to pink
red roses
smelling of rose dust
on the bathroom sink
as you put on your face
for the day.

If that wasn't you
behind the pink curtain,
perhaps it was you
driving that very pale pink
VW bug up the hill on
route 92 the other day?
so fast
I didn't have a prayer
of catching up to you,
to see
finally,
what I have been missing

Blue water like the Nile is deep blue
meandering through white fields of sand storms
Blue heron sails through the reeds
soundlessly
only shadows and the rippling blue water
where the flight body lifted

only an image on a 3AM machine
only the half remembered memory of a dream

Smashing pennies on the train tracks
hiding in the woods so I'm not seen
causing this destruction
like the fires in the field by
Brookside pool
How quickly dry grass burns
and I wonder why air forgets
so quickly
the heat?
it passes through
white cloud
thunderhead
and then the afternoon rains

only an image on a 3AM machine
only the half remembered memory of a dream

Looking again
at an image of blue water
with the shadows of palm
the scent of plumaria after
those brief afternoon showers,
laughing at the memory
of you slipping on the wet lanai.
you didn't think it so funny,
and those balmy night breezes
rattling the Venusian blinds
like her lovers singing below the windows
inviting this dream
like I remember you from somewhere
like that was you
I kissed that night,
that Friday night behind the rollerrink
16
you were only 14 and
your father was furious
your mother forgave me and
I don't know if you ever did?

Monhonk winter
silver trees by the Hudson
that last day I met you for lunch
not like the first time we lunched,
you waved as I drove away
I could see your eyes
in the rearview mirror
bluewater
somehow at odds
with the smile

only an image on a 3 AM machine
only the half remembered memory of a dream

Just now I'm remembering
how I dreamed I wanted
to jump from this cliff side

god I was so scared
so many things in my way!
I might die!

Wanted a glimpse of the treasure
I was promised and I thought
I would need a mask
to see so deeply
in those waters
below the cliff

I need to take off this mask
to be naked
vulnerable
like this is a birthing
of some sort
me

And I thought I needed fins
To swim
As if my treasure required
That kind of effort

But now I see
All I ever needed
To do
Was fall
.
.
.
.
.
.
into you